Beauty of Solitude

This is my first time blogging, and I feel little strange just sharing my experiences with all of you, maybe because I’m new to this blogging experience. As we began to talk about solitude, I was happy and little worried at the same time. I was happy because we are going to learn to be alone with God, and worried because something told me that it wouldn’t be easy. I always hear people share their great experiences when in solitude, and it always seems so mystical, special, and makes me wonder if I’m doing something wrong. Everyone’s experience is different, and it doesn’t make you a lesser Christian if yours wasn’t as exciting. Here’s mine and I hope it encourages you somehow.

     Since we were told to spend 30 minutes every day for five days with god I was set out to do just that. I tried to plan every day for that special moment, and I learned that someone is trying to prevent me from being alone with God. Nothing worked, my plans fell through, and I ended up feeling like a looser. To be honest with you I didn’t do it for five days, as a matter of fact it was only three days, and those turned out to be not what I expected.

     In the beginning of the week I got up much earlier just so I could spend 30 minutes with my Father as I wait for my coworkers. As I was sitting in the car I turned off my phone, my radio, and just set there. The plan was to be silent before the Lord, but I found myself trying to say something to God, or trying to tell Him how to fix my problems. I couldn’t sit still and couldn’t be quite, so I cried out to Him “teach me to be silent before you”, it was frustrating and upsetting at the same time. After that I ended up thinking about it and wondering why I had such experience and I realized that because of that experience I managed to be alone more then five times in one day. Monday morning’s devotion left me with questions that I intended to find an answer to.

     Another day was quite similar, except instead of waiting for my coworkers I decided to drive to work my self. It is one hour drive one way, but I was willing to spend those hours in silence. Things were quite similar as the first time, I tried to talk to the Lord but then I decided to not say anything at all. As I was being silent I began to have a small urge to sing songs of praise, and so I did. I came out feeling better then I did the first time. As I drove home one phrase kept popping up in my mind “don’t worship me half heartedly,” and I ended up dwelling on that for the rest of the day.

     Yesterday before my home group arrived I just dropped on my knees and bowed my head while listening to worship songs. As I bowed to the Lord I began to realize that I only thought I gave it all to God, but in reality I didn’t. I was expecting this mystical experience with God, but instead I got a gentle rebuke and desire to be better. I learned one thing for my self, Its not a magical moment that I needed with God, but I needed a moment that produced good fruit.