I'm Exhausted!!!

     As I sat in my car after the lessons were over, I prayed that Holy Spirit would show me how to pour myself out for people. I did not know whom I would pour myself out for, or how, but I was ready for the task. Never did it cross my mind that it would be so time consuming, and exhausting. By Wednesday evening I was drained both spiritually, and physically. How did Jesus pour Himself out day in and day out? Maybe the answer is; Jesus is God, and nothing is impossible for Him. That same God can continue to pour Himself out through us by the power of Holy Spirit.

     My journey began on Friday. Together with my wife I went to visit a friend of mine, who is a youth pastor in a Russian church. As Holy Spirit was guiding the conversation, I began to see that I needed to tell my friend everything that I’ve learned about the person of Holy Spirit. To my surprise, the same topic was on friend’s mind for a while; he struggled with it in some areas. It was a long conversation, but a very productive one.

     Saturday was overwhelming; I had to pour myself out in a free clinic. Every Saturday I come to Salem Free Clinic to pray for the patients as part of my practicum. I enjoy doing that, so I asked Holy Spirit to Guide me in prayer that day, and that He did. That Saturday was extra busy; I’ve never prayed so much in such a short period of time. As I was pouring myself out in prayer I’ve seen tears of joy, smiles, and tears of repentance. Yes, one lady recommitted her life to Jesus.

     On Sunday I found myself Pouring myself out in giving a Godly advise on relationships. There were tears because she was mislead in her relationship, but she took the advice, and found out the truth that same day. It was a long conversation, but productive.

     Monday things looked little different. I went home after work as soon as possible, it was time to pour myself out for my kids. We ended up drinking tea, and playing Monopoly Deal until we were all exhausted. That was a satisfying time with my MONKEYS (AKA my kids).

     Tuesday after class instead of doing my homework I was pouring myself out by teaching on Holy Spirit. One of my friends bumped into me, and began to ask all kinds of questions, and topic on Holy Spirit was difficult to understand for him. Again Holy Spirit led me to pass my knowledge about His person to someone else.

     Wednesday is one of my favorite days of the week, because my home church gets together in my house, and I pour myself out for them by hosting everyone, and leading the Bible study. It is exhausting but very satisfying.

     I’m extremely happy that Holy Spirit led me in Christ’s footsteps. Jesus taught what he heard and seen in heaven, and I taught what I’ve heard and seen in RTI. Jesus prayed often for His disciples and people, and I ended up praying a lot for people. Jesus comforted and led the right direction, and Holy Spirit led me to do the same. Jesus spent alone time with the ones he loved, and I was led to do the same thing. Jesus never hesitated to give an answer to those that are seeking the truth, and Holy Spirit empowered me to do the same. Finally Jesus always helped his disciples to understand the scriptures, and Holy Spirit gifted me in that area so I would do the same.

     This week was quite a journey, and it is all for the Glory of the Kingdom! May we all continue to pour ourselves out as Jesus did, just to make our Father smile.

Roses for my girls

            As professor Jeff Roth was teaching on forgiveness he brought out roses and rocks to remind us of our relationships. A rose resembled a broken relationship, while the rock resembled a relationship that is awkward, not pleasant, or on the verge of breaking. It was pretty hard to just sit there and think of my broken relationships, or thinking of people that offended me, or vise versa. As I was searching myself and couldn’t find anything I’ve heard Jeff’s voice, “if you don’t have any broken relationships then praise God for that,” and that I began to do.

     While I was in my praising mood I began to think about my wife, and my three girls, and my heart sank. I did not wrong them in any way, at least to the best of my knowledge, and I dare not ask because I’m sure they will give me a reason to be sorry for. Maybe it’s not a big deal, but I began to think of all those times when I was not there for my wife when she needed me. I get so carried away with school, ministry, and work that I forget to simply say thank you for being a wonderful wife, and a mother. As I thought about my girls I felt sorry for myself. They spend most of their time with their mother, and by the time I get home there is no more time left for anything. Sometimes they want to play, but I tell them that we will do that next time, because daddy is to tired.

     I get stressed sometimes, my attitude shifts, and sometimes it is a wrong attitude. I thought to myself, “I need to change, I need to apologize to all of my ladies, and I need to give each of them a rose and tell them how much I love them.” After the classes were over I grabbed not four but three roses, because if I would’ve grabbed one for my two year old she would’ve eaten it. Not only did I take the roses, I took the rock to remind me of who I need to be for my family, and those that are around me.

     As I handed the rose to my wife, she looked at me with “ Ok, what did you do?” attitude. After I explained everything she told me that she loves me very much. I went into my girl’s rooms, and handed them the rose. The looks on their faces were priceless, and hugs and kisses followed. I learned one important lesson that night. Come to God; praise Him for your “perfect” relationships, and he will allow you to see yourself as you really are. Sometimes you might not like the truth, and it will hurt, but it’ll help you to make right decisions.